What if, instead of relying on the consumption of media, you relied on your imagination and your memories? You could reminisce about particularly enjoyable sex you've previously had with your wife, fantasize about sex you might have with her in the future, and use embodiment and mindfulness skills (specifically, the ones that focus on being present in the moment and noticing all the details) to soak up the experiences of the weekly-or-so sex you do get to have with your wife (and bank that for future wanking).
When we first became involved, she even joked that she didn't want me getting mad when it was time for her to visit her friend on girls' trips. A threesome with a bisexual woman has always been my fantasy. She even gave me permission to go online and find a unicorn for us. But when I set up a meeting, she didn't seem to want to follow through with it, so I stopped looking.
And unlike any other chore or fitness enterprise, you conceive it more as self-indulgence than self-improvement, and as such, even if you're already in a relationship, it's hard to find that chin-out determination to get it done. Yet sex is an appetite like any other, a necessity like any other, a nourishment like any other. If you let it go dormant the effect on your relationship might be as if one or both of you are on a permanent diet and also lonely.
My husband and I are both 42 and work great jobs with high incomes. Between the retirement packages we have in place and my grandma's money, we'll have more than enough to ride out the 20 to 30 years we will hopefully have left if we retire at 65. The problem is our quality of life right now. My husband has a lot of
Relationships thrive or falter on the smallest of cues: a shared laugh, a thoughtful gesture, or, surprisingly, perhaps, a simple two-word phrase. Too often, we rely on complaint, criticism, or avoidance to signal what we want. What partners really need is a clear expression of our desires: "I want..." Why are these two words so powerful? Because they signal want, rather than suggesting blame. Because they articulate current needs, rather than hinting at past neglect.
They may delight in their own romantic fantasies, dropping hints that the momentous question could soon be asked. However, like any significant life event, successful proposals stem from thoughtful planning rather than the idealized scenarios often depicted in reality shows, streaming television, or soap operas. The grand gestures witnessed in public settings may be captivating, but they can set unrealistic expectations for those hoping to replicate such moments.
My husband is gesturing wildly but quietly for me to come to the front window. "Hawk!" He says. "I think it caught something in its talons." We stare across the canyon to one of the red-tailed hawk's favorite posts before deciding to get the binoculars and head outside. "I saw a bird today," he ribs me and passes the binoculars. We don't need to try the bird test; we're both really into birds.
For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions. This week, a reader no longer wants to sell her starter home, as she and her husband had once agreed upon. Our columnist reminds her that it's not about who gets their way - it's about sharing a life they love. Dear For Love & Money,
For those of us who are already in relationships, cuffing season can bring out a little smug satisfaction. We already have a built-in cuddle buddy. No swiping, no small talk, no awkward first dates. We're cuffed by default. But before you get too cozy under that weighted blanket, let's be honest: Just because you're cuffed doesn't mean you're connected. If your summer lacked sizzle, your fall might feel more frosty than festive.
In conversations I've had with hundreds of college students and social media followers, I've noticed a stubborn myth surrounding the idea of sexual compatibility. People love to romanticize it as if it's some kind of cosmic spark. You meet someone, sparks fly, and voilà, you either "have it" or you don't. But the truth is, sexual compatibility isn't magic. It's not about destiny. It's about dynamics, and yes, it can evolve and deepen over time.
You wrote that you know you would think less of him. If you're certain, or even fairly certain, that you will lose a significant amount of attraction or respect for your partner if you proceed with a particular sex act, the situation is more high-risk for the relationship than a turn-off or a lack of interest would be. "Mean" here would look like using language of shame and judgment when talking to him about it: "Ew, gross, I'll never see you as a man again."
Along comes the " bird theory test," the newest entry into the relationship-improvement landscape. If you haven't heard of this, it's simple enough. All you have to do is tell your partner, "I saw a bird today." If your partner asks you questions about the bird-what species it was, what it was doing, etc.-this is good. If your partner stolidly continues to focus on whatever they were doing when you made the observation, you may be in trouble.
But sometimes, communication between partners fails to achieve clarity and directness; sometimes it leans into passive-aggressive criticisms instead. We've all been there, and we have likely felt uncomfortable when someone lands a jab against their partner in our presence. The partner ends up feeling embarrassed and may struggle to reply, since they usually can't respond in kind without escalating the conflict in public.
"I just had this conversation with my mother, who's been married for 30-plus years. Here's what she wants and needs to feel pursued." "Emotional safety, consistently. A messy house and a lack of flowers are neither here nor there. She wishes that she could go to her husband and say 'this thing is really bothering me,' and him not exploding (even on her behalf, not necessarily at her) and just being another thing she has to mitigate.
Numerous studies over the last decade have shown the negative impacts of the invisible burden of confronting racism on interracial couples. A recent study, conducted in 2024, showed that interracial couples were, on average, more likely to experience discrimination, higher perceived stress, more depressive symptoms, and worse overall self-rated health compared to White couples due to the impact of discrimination.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend called me asking if she could crash at my place that same day. I thought that was super-rude. She was visiting someone else but didn't want to stay at that house because her other friend has a husband and two children, and I have more room. I felt very uncomfortable with her just unexpectedly telling me she wanted to stay at my place instead of getting a hotel room.
When partners are unhappy, they communicate this mostly indirectly. They don't just express unhappiness during arguments - they're meaner, sabotage their partners, and deliberately stir negative emotions. They often have the attitude "If I'm unhappy, you're going to be unhappy too." Below are seven communication patterns people exhibit when they're unhappy in their relationship. This article isn't meant to be judgmental. Readers may notice they're enacting some patterns and on the receiving end of others.
Growing up, everything I knew about prenups was negative . I was used to movie depictions of women getting shorted by rich, overpowering men, rap songs glamorizing unequal payouts, and my own father advising me, "If someone wants to sign a prenup, run." My father had the same logic most people do: Prenups are disrespectful, transactional, and unromantic, assuming the doom of a marriage before it even starts. Little did he know that my partner and I were committed to signing one .
Sometimes with loved ones and friends, the healthiest but hardest thing to do is to say, this is where he is right now and to accept that. You don't have to love it; you don't have to like it; some aspects of it can still pose a question in your mind. But, by saying, this is where he is right now, you acknowledge that he's on a journey and it may not be going as fast as you want, but you're along for the ride.
For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions. This week, a reader feels she's the only one working hard while her husband pursues his dream job. Our columnist spoke with personal finance author Ramit Sethi, who suggested having a series of conversations. Have a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.
