"You wrote that you know you would think less of him. If you're certain, or even fairly certain, that you will lose a significant amount of attraction or respect for your partner if you proceed with a particular sex act, the situation is more high-risk for the relationship than a turn-off or a lack of interest would be. "Mean" here would look like using language of shame and judgment when talking to him about it: "Ew, gross, I'll never see you as a man again.""
"Another inappropriate action would be making a unilateral decision to follow through on something you really don't want and that has the power to destroy the connection between the two of you. Give your partner the opportunity to consider, for himself, whether his desire to be pegged by you is more important than the potential damage to what you have together."
A 28-year-old woman is in a yearlong relationship with a man who wants more and kinkier sex, including recurring pegging. She feels no pressure and communicates openly, but the idea of pegging is a major turn-off and could make her think less of him. If proceeding with a sex act would cause a substantial loss of attraction or respect, the situation poses a higher risk to the relationship than a mere mismatch. Shaming language and unilateral compliance are inappropriate responses. The partner should weigh his desire against potential relationship damage. Clarify which aspects of regard would decrease and why.
Read at Slate Magazine
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