#boundaries

#boundaries

It perplexes Miss Manners how many people adore Les Miserables without being upset by its central accusation: that it is the rankest hypocrisy for society to equate serving one's time with forgiveness. But even if society were genuinely forgiving, there are many types of serious crimes. Being forgiven by society and being forgiven by one's victims are different matters. It is a simple matter to preserve your dignity with former victims of your husband's crime who now wish to maintain their distance: Respect that wish.

We had been talking about his most recent visit with his mother, one he had begun with cautious optimism, hoping that if he explained himself just a little more clearly this time, she might finally understand how her comments affect him. Instead, the interaction followed a familiar pattern. She minimized his feelings, and immediately redirected the conversation to her own stress. When he tried to point this out, she ended by accusing him of being "too sensitive. Must be from your father's side."

Managing your relationship with an unreliable or uncooperative co-parent can be very challenging, especially if you worry about your children spending time with them. I have worked with hundreds of women navigating divorce and want to reassure you that there is a lot of research supporting the fact that one healthy parent can outweigh the impact of an unhealthy parent. If you feel there are true safety concerns (this does not include less nutritious snacks or a later bedtime), it is important that you consult your legal team about options. Speaking with a child therapist or checking in with your child's pediatrician are other helpful avenues. If you don't have safety concerns but your relationship with your co-parent is strained, or you're worried about their parenting style, here are six things that can help.

"Sara" is a close friend who suffers from significant mental health challenges. She is often sullen, easily offended, and quick to anger. Recently, she had a severe meltdown (which was never discussed), cut me off completely, and didn't speak to me for months. We patched that one up somehow, but her behavior is frequently challenging to the point where I question whether our friendship is worth it.

I'm no judge but there seems to be a lot of hearsay happening here. The neighbor who gave you the warning was vague in a way that perhaps suggests discretion, but in reality, only muddies the waters. Either say something helpful (and objectively true) or say nothing at all; a blanket warning hews too close to gossip for my taste. If you want to be friends with this other neighbor, trust your judgment and proceed with caution, just as you would with anyone else.

It may be time to have a different conversation with your friend. Perhaps she is having memory problems. See if you can cite at least three instances when your friend has recounted a different version of a story to you than you remember. Tell her that you are concerned about her memory, and give her these examples as evidence. Know that she is likely to push back. Tell her anyway.

It's been a theme in letters I've seen this year-adults complaining that children aren't processing the difficult things they go through in the way the adults want them to. 15 is a really hard age for a lot of kids, let alone for those who've seen two fathers exit their lives (to varying degrees). He's processing a ton of changes in his own life, possibly entering high school, and he shouldn't feel responsible for the feelings of his ex-step-grandparents.

I used to think being busy meant being successful. My days were a blur of meetings, notifications, and commitments. My calendar looked impressive, but at night I lay awake wondering why I felt so exhausted and strangely unfulfilled. One rainy Tuesday, stuck in traffic between two appointments I didn't really want to attend, it hit me: I wasn't living my life. I was managing it. I'd filled my days with activity, but not necessarily with value.

I have no clue how to help her because every time I say that she is beautiful, she says I'm only saying that because I'm her mother. She is surrounded by social media images, unrealistic beauty standards and constant comparisons, and I fear that these influences have shaped how she sees herself way more than I ever could. I feel helpless watching her struggle with such intense self-criticism at such a young age.

The first thing you should do may be the hardest: Talk to your son and ask him his honest opinion about the last 14 years. This blow-up didn't come out of nowhere. You write that he was sort of OK, for instance. This raises big questions. How much hurt has he been sitting on all this time? Has he tried talking about this before? What is sort of OK?

You don't ease your wife's hang-ups. You respect her current boundaries. Where you're saying your son is nearly a year old, I'm seeing a woman who is not even a year out from giving birth for the first time. Your wife's position might change again if you can exercise patience. If you push the subject, though, you're likely to create distance, resentment, and a rigid and eternal "no" on this practice.

I care about her deeply, but taking on someone else's debt even someone I love feels like a huge risk. I've worked hard to protect my own credit, and the idea of being on the hook for a car that isn't mine stresses me out. When I tried to express my hesitation, she acted hurt and suggested it meant I didn't trust her. That's not true at all. I'm more than willing

I made the mistake of hosting Thanksgiving in my new home. It is a three-story, two-bath home built on the water off a jogging path. The lot is long and narrow, so one hallway runs through the entire house, and it isn't fenced off. My brother was supposed to bring just his girlfriend. Instead, it was her, her two screaming sons, and another friend with her two uncontrollable dogs.

Here are some other tips: It's OK to be selfish: When Kristi Coulter reached her breaking point as an Amazon executive, she made a new rule: only accept opportunities at work that offered a clear benefit to her, or were important to her boss. Did the world come crashing down as she turned stuff down? No. In fact, Coulter found she was more engaged and effective at the things she said yes to.

Overgiving can be defined as a relationship that has become so unhealthily enmeshed that people lose their individual strength and autonomy. Typically, a person with these types of traits feels overly responsible for others and picks up the slack in relationships and at work. They want everyone to be happy, so they go overboard and become people pleasers and peacemakers in their relationships. They have difficulty asserting their own needs for fear of rejection or disapproval.

My husband of 20-plus years received a Facebook message from an old high school girlfriend. The message was wildly inappropriate (extremely risque) and ended with her offering to fly out and meet up if he ever wanted to. When my husband saw the message, he read it to me and to his best friend, who happened to be in town visiting. Those two guys were laughing so hard they were crying.