Help! I Thought My Wedding Planning Was Going Great. Then a Simple Decision Revealed My Fiance's True Colors.

"For context, we share a closely knit friend group consisting mostly of guys, which I don't mind at all, but it means I don't have my own group of girlfriends to be bridesmaids. When discussing who we'd choose, my fiancé 'claimed' all of my close friends as the groomsmen and when I protested, he suggested I ask my friends from high school (who I haven't spoken to in years) or my university friends (also all guys)."

"As a kicker, my fiancé also has a best man lined up, but the person who I'd pick for mine is already one of the groomsmen. My position is that we either share everyone or forego the wedding party altogether, but I don't know how to navigate such a non-traditional approach within an otherwise traditional wedding, especially in front of family members with a tendency to be judgmental. How do I untangle this mess"

"As I've written many times before, the wedding planning process is a great testing ground for being married. You have to decide on shared values about how much money you'll spend on the ceremony. The guest list is a reflection of the relationships that are most important to each of you. Everything from the menu to the favors to whether you put out a basket of flip-flops for people whose feet get sore from dancing requires alignment on the image you want to project,"

Partners face disagreement about wedding-party composition when one partner's close friends are all of one gender. Shared friend groups can leave one partner without traditional bridesmaids. One partner claimed the other's friends as groomsmen, prompting suggestions to invite distant or male friends instead. That led to hurt and avoidance of the topic. The choices around a wedding party touch on fairness, image, family expectations, and whose relationships are honored. Options include sharing attendants, eliminating a wedding party, or negotiating boundaries and expectations. Clear communication, alignment on values, and mutual respect for each other's relationships are necessary to resolve the dispute.

Read at Slate Magazine