"She wants to see me have sex with another woman while she watches. I kind of want to try it, but I am afraid that she will ask for something else in return, e.g., sex with another man while I watch. She hasn't said this, but a few years ago, she let me go down on her friend, and for us to be equal, she went down on my friend, who's a man. She gets turned on by this voyeurism fetish."
"Dear Cuquean Not for Me, Based on the facts you've presented here, I don't think you're being selfish. You're considering catering to her voyeurism kink in a way that is also arousing for you, but concerned about the fine print, as it were, leading to pressure to participate in a situation that doesn't appeal to you. I am, however, concerned that you're questioning whether you should seek professional help."
Communicate openly and set clear sexual boundaries before trying partner-driven sexual scenarios. Consider participating only if the arrangement is mutually arousing and does not create an obligation to reciprocate in ways that violate personal limits. Acknowledge past sexual exchanges that may create perceived expectations and clarify that earlier events do not mandate future acts. Ask why professional help was suggested and whether the suggestion comes from partner pressure. Observe the partner's response to stated limits to gauge respect and compatibility. If concerns are dismissed or pressure continues, pursue a deeper conversation or consider couples or individual counseling for support.
Read at Slate Magazine
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