"What if, instead of relying on the consumption of media, you relied on your imagination and your memories? You could reminisce about particularly enjoyable sex you've previously had with your wife, fantasize about sex you might have with her in the future, and use embodiment and mindfulness skills (specifically, the ones that focus on being present in the moment and noticing all the details) to soak up the experiences of the weekly-or-so sex you do get to have with your wife (and bank that for future wanking)."
"I ask because it seems very unlikely that your wife will be excited to jump from "never really" sexting or sending saucy photos to performing in homegrown pornography. Sure, you never know, but making that request could be combustible. Think it through-in the 12 years that you've known your wife, has she ever expressed any"
Rely on imagination and memories rather than recorded media for solo sexual satisfaction. Reminisce about particularly enjoyable sex, fantasize about future encounters, and practice embodiment and mindfulness skills to stay present and notice details. Absorb the experiences of the roughly weekly sexual encounters and 'bank' those sensations for solo use. Avoid pressuring a partner to move from little or no sexting to producing homegrown pornography, since that request can be emotionally combustible. Consider the partner's past comfort with sexting and racy images before raising the idea, and think through potential consequences carefully.
Read at Slate Magazine
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