The Science Behind the "Bird Theory Test"

"Along comes the " bird theory test," the newest entry into the relationship-improvement landscape. If you haven't heard of this, it's simple enough. All you have to do is tell your partner, "I saw a bird today." If your partner asks you questions about the bird-what species it was, what it was doing, etc.-this is good. If your partner stolidly continues to focus on whatever they were doing when you made the observation, you may be in trouble."

"In this context, a "bid" is a feeler or probe in which you send out a message to see what your partner does in response. You might be feeling a bit down, so you see if you can engage your partner in a little conversation to try to boost your mood. Or you might be ruminating over something your partner said, and you reach out to find out if everything's OK."

The bird theory test uses a simple observation—saying 'I saw a bird today'—to gauge partner responsiveness. Asking follow-up questions about the bird demonstrates engagement and counts as a positive response, while ignoring the remark signals detachment. The idea builds on the Gottman concept of bids for connection, where small probes invite attention, support, or emotional response. Regularly responding to these everyday bids helps maintain relationship strength. Noticing and repairing missed bids can reveal and mend cracks, and cultivating such moments can deepen relationships and support long-term fulfillment.

Read at Psychology Today