"The goal of reflective listening is to concentrate on what the other person is saying, to the exclusion of whatever response we feel we need to express that can make us skip over appreciating what has been said. One partner will be directed to talk about an issue that is important to them that has come up in therapy. When they're done, it's the other person's job to then repeat what their partner said."
"The goal is to show that they've been listening by reflecting back what they heard. Then we go back to the original partner to check with them to make sure they got it right. We might go back and forth a couple of times until we can all agree on what was said, that it's completely clear, heard, and understood by both people."
Reflective listening requires concentrating wholly on what the other person is saying rather than preparing a response. One partner speaks about an important issue while the other repeats exactly what was heard to demonstrate understanding. Partners then check and repeat until both agree the message is clear, heard, and understood. This practice trains partners to genuinely hear and process each other's words instead of formulating rebuttals mid-conversation. Avoiding a judge or referee dynamic prevents escalation. Accepting a partner as they are supports reaching a more peaceful relationship plateau.
Read at Psychology Today
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