"She didn't necessarily expect you to read her mind; she informed you that what you did affected her emotionally. Maybe she implied or outright said that you never should have done it, but the main thrust of her feedback was to let you know that you upset her, not that you aren't psychic enough or should build a time machine so you can dissuade your past self from reaching for the Fleshlight on that greeting-card holiday."
"Her words may have been inelegant and unfair even, but it bothered her. It's worth probing that to understand why and what could be done in the future to avoid upsetting her on this matter. Was it the Fleshlight that bothered her, or that you were masturbating, period? Were you flagrant about it, and could that aspect have irked her? Did she want you to hang out with her and watch movies in bed while you were giving it to your silicone/plastic cumdump?"
Sympathy exists for satisfying sexual urges when a partner is indisposed, but practical communication is crucial. A partner conveying that an action affected them emotionally deserves probing questions to understand why. Determine whether the issue was the specific masturbation aid, the act of masturbating in general, or the manner in which it was done. Consider whether flagrant behavior or a desire for companionship while unwell contributed to the upset. Focus on how the partner actually felt rather than hypothetical reciprocation, and use that information to negotiate boundaries and avoid similar hurts in the future.
Read at Slate Magazine
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