Does Your Partner Fail the 'Bird Test'?

"My husband is gesturing wildly but quietly for me to come to the front window. "Hawk!" He says. "I think it caught something in its talons." We stare across the canyon to one of the red-tailed hawk's favorite posts before deciding to get the binoculars and head outside. "I saw a bird today," he ribs me and passes the binoculars. We don't need to try the bird test; we're both really into birds."

"There's some validity to the idea that acts of connection (sharing what you love or showing affection, for example) are ideally met with reciprocity. We want our partners to attend to us and volley the connection attempts. However, if your partner "failed the bird test," do not despair. There are many reasons a loved one may not reply in the manner or timing you expect, and many of these reasons are not at all personal, nor do they reflect a lack of connection."

"The viral "bird test" is positioned as a relationship test: If, after you state that you saw a bird, your partner asks questions or shows interest, then your relationship is in good shape, according to the challenge. However, if you're met with disinterest, a curt reply, or are ignored, the theory is that your partner may not be invested in or care about you or your interests."

The viral bird test frames partner responsiveness as a signal of relationship health. Replying to conversational bids requires executive functions such as attention management, task switching, and working memory. Difficulty shifting attention or juggling tasks can cause delayed, curt, or absent responses without indicating lack of care. Partners who struggle with attention or executive dysfunction may therefore seem unresponsive while remaining emotionally connected. Relationship strain can result from repeated missed signals, but collaborative strategies—explicit signals, predictable routines, reduced multitasking demands, and compassionate communication—can improve mutual understanding and strengthen connection over time.

Read at Psychology Today