It's heartbreaking to share that our marriage is coming to an end. This is not the outcome I hoped for, and I entered this relationship with deep love, commitment, and the intention of building a lasting life together. As time went on, it became clear that we were growing in different directions. I poured my whole heart into this marriage and wanted it to work until the very end, but lasting marriages require more than love alone.
We separated soon after she was born, and I was sad and miserable. I had this idea of what my family was going to look like with the big house and white picket fence and now it seemed impossible. I was pretty selfish during that phase, prioritizing myself and numbing myself with alcohol. I couch-surfed with friends. It wasn't as if I was a bad dad, but I wasn't stepping up in the way that I needed to.
My sister looked at me and said, 'Now you're the last strong one in this family.' It was comforting to hear her words. I felt proud. And then, almost immediately, something else. My stomach clenched. I just wanted to stop the elevator, run away, and never look back.
After forty years of being 'the electrician' or 'the guy who fixes things,' many retirees find themselves sitting in silence, unsure of who they are beyond their job titles. This disconnect can be jarring, as they realize they have not taken the time to know themselves.
It's just funny what your head can do for you. Most of everything, I think, plays out in your head. You know, I wish I told myself as a younger woman, you're a lot more capable than you think you are. But it took years to really learn that.