There is a widespread feeling that love is facing challenging times these days. Many of us may want more love in our lives, but that desire often fades quickly when we encounter difficulties. Love usually requires us to sacrifice something. In romantic relationships, it might mean dedicating time to our partner and spending less time with friends, family, work, or leisure.
Trying to conceptualize love - to understand it, define it, or finally get it right in your own life - can feel like a complicated game you never quite win. People often try to read or reflect on the promise to try to do things differently. Yet, somehow, the same patterns can seem to circle back. It's not that you don't want love or that you're not ready for it. Unconsciously, you may have built habits that keep you safe but also keep you stuck.
I grew up in a very religious, Christian family where Sunday's activities were predetermined and strictly enforced. Like many of my generation, come Sunday, our parents faithfully saw that we were dressed in our best attire and dutifully marched to church like preprogrammed automatons. With unblinking obedience, we reenacted this liturgy-week after week, year after unrelenting year-seemingly ad infinitum. Growing into adolescence, however, my mind began to fill with questions-many of them-but one upstaged the rest: "What was the purpose of our never ending churchgoing?"
We all desire to be loved. We only fully flourish when we are loved. Being loved affirms our goodness as human persons. Our search for love shapes so many of our actions and pursuits. Some have even suggested that all of our reasons for action arise from love, and that all of our various emotions and passions are ultimately grounded in love.
To love anything is to be challenged by it. Love shouldn't hurt you, and at its best, it has the power to push you to your limits in pursuit of growing, changing, and learning something new about yourself.
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