"I just had this conversation with my mother, who's been married for 30-plus years. Here's what she wants and needs to feel pursued." "Emotional safety, consistently. A messy house and a lack of flowers are neither here nor there. She wishes that she could go to her husband and say 'this thing is really bothering me,' and him not exploding (even on her behalf, not necessarily at her) and just being another thing she has to mitigate.
At the heart of connection is the feeling that your thoughts, emotions, and perceptions are not just valid, but also recognized by someone else. This doesn't require total agreement, but it does require enough overlap in how you each make sense of the world.