People want to understand how and why women experience violence at the hands of people who claim to love them, and they want to know what women can do when they've experienced these atrocities. They want a window into making sense of an experience, either because it's so seemingly foreign or so altogether disturbingly familiar as to resemble their own. This is why we often crave insight into others' perceptions of their own lives as well as their perceptions of others' reactions.
In 5th grade, we had a class project to interview one of our grandparents. It seemed simple enough: Spend time with someone who loved you and ask them questions about their life. Looking back, I understand the real purpose of the assignment: to foster connection across generations, to learn what our grandparents' lives were like when they were our age.
People-pleasing is not a personality trait. It is part of the trauma response known as fawning. Although it can be a useful mechanism at times, existing in a state of fawning leads to exhaustion and losing touch with oneself: who you are, what you want, and what you need. To heal, it is necessary to learn how to focus less on what other people think for the sake of rediscovering who you are.