Relationships

Relationships

I'm retired and have discovered a love for making bags, totes and purses with my sewing machine. A few years ago, I started doing local craft shows not because I've turned this into a business, but because it helps clear out the growing inventory. Financially, we're fine. I'm not risking money we don't have. My husband, who still works, strongly disapproves of this.

One of my late mother's widowed friends made the comment, "Finally I can have a scrambled egg for dinner. I'm never making another meatloaf again." And this was a woman who had loved her husband and had a pretty good marriage. Her grown kids were upset that when they came home to visit, "Mama isn't cooking anymore!" Yeah, Mama didn't care.

It takes a lot of brain power to plan a first date. It all starts with figuring out the vibe. Do you want dinner? Drinks? Dinner and drinks? And where do you want to go? Once that's settled, you and your match have to agree on the day, and it can be surprisingly tricky to land on one that feels right.

We met for coffee a couple of times and then that relationship broke up, very dramatically, and it really wasn't long before we got back together. We got engaged, bought a house, got married within a year and got pregnant shortly afterwards. I don't regret anything, I've got three amazing children, but most normal people would possibly have just spent a bit more time together. I was swept up in it and I'm not going to suggest that I was a passive person.

Relationship research has made it distinctively clear that most relationships don't fail because of singular, isolated, catastrophic events. More often, they disintegrate because of our patterns-the ones that once felt safe and protective, but have turned corrosive and misaligned with our relationship over time. We might keep asking ourselves, "Why do I keep ending up here?"without any good answer coming to mind, or assume that we always "attract the wrong partners."

I was recently celibate for a year. Not out of choice, but because I was grieving the loss of a past relationship. After much post-breakup drawing out, I had finally cut ties with an ex. Ending all communication affected me in ways I hadn't foreseen, even when I was already dating other people. As much as I tried - and even though I was filled with desire - I couldn't open up physically to anyone.

So, I have a friend who comes over to my place and before she leaves, she takes things. She's taken small framed paintings, rugs, pillows, two new sewing kits (one of which was in a box of stuff I wanted to give to a neighbor's daughter), and a lot of booze that she must put into her own water bottles because she doesn't take the booze bottles themselves.Took me awhile to figure that last one out, but it shouldn't have.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received a facial from one of my friends, who works at a spa. Everything went smoothly initially, but the next day I woke up and my skin was dry and peeling. I called her and asked what was happening to my skin. She asked what I had used on my skin the previous night, and I told her my nightly skin care routine, which includes retinols.

There comes a time in everyone woman's life when she must decide if she is getting on the party bus or not. In this case, the party bus is a metaphor for the whole concept of bachelorette parties and all the nonsense and spiraling costs that are associated with the whole tradition. The party bus is also, in fact, a party bus, because how could you get the girls together for the Bride's Last Ride without an intermediate size bus loaded down with booze?

Michael and David are gay men who met on one of those cringy, yet stimulating, hookup apps. They flirted through the app's messaging system before deciding to meet for lunch. Lunch? I know. How weird is that? What happened to down and dirty, meaningless sex? Yes, I'm being facetious. Actually, how thoughtful, refreshing, and lovely to meet for lunch. Michael is a "mature" man. Okay, an older man (he's sensitive about his age). He is intelligent, accomplished, well-educated,

Being humans, we do not exist in isolation from the outward world that encompasses other humans, flora, and fauna, for which we need social interactions with others in our surroundings. In fact, we are called "social animals" for whom social interactions are of utmost importance for maintaining our mental fitness and staying psychologically fit, present, stable, and valued.

It perplexes Miss Manners how many people adore Les Miserables without being upset by its central accusation: that it is the rankest hypocrisy for society to equate serving one's time with forgiveness. But even if society were genuinely forgiving, there are many types of serious crimes. Being forgiven by society and being forgiven by one's victims are different matters. It is a simple matter to preserve your dignity with former victims of your husband's crime who now wish to maintain their distance: Respect that wish.

The Crown Bard in Rhyl had always been there, on the main road on the way out of town. Despite living a five-minute walk away, I don't remember ever going there in my teens, but I must've passed it thousands of times. Local wisdom dictated it was where the rugby lads drank, while the pub directly opposite was where you'd find the football crowd.

First, here's something many people (even some therapists) don't know and is counterintuitive: not everyone who has an affair believes his or her marriage is unhappy. In fact, data suggest that many cheating spouses report that their marriages are good, and that leaving their spouse was never a consideration. There are many other reasons people decide to have an affair besides unhappiness with their partner.

It feels cruel to insist someone keep attempting something they "can't" do-or to hold them to a standard they claim they cannot meet. Weaponized incompetence exploits that reluctance. It misattributes strategic failure as a skill deficit or honest mistake, allowing the offending party to avoid responsibility, discourage future requests, or exert control. In this dynamic, the offending party is framed as the victim, while their frustrated partner is recast as unreasonable, demanding, or a "nag."

"Oh, no," lamented Sarah, "Is it going to happen again?" She was responding to the possibility that her partner, Joshua, would lose his temper once again, which was a frequent occurrence. She did not trust him, and the result was anxiety, leading to sleeplessness, worry, and irritability. Research reviewed by Tomlinson and Mayer (2009) supports the view that mistrust can be accompanied by anger and fear. Joshua's temper and Sarah's response of anxiety were affecting their relationship.

"My kids are so invested in their children it's beautiful! They use gentle parenting techniques, even with challenging personalities; provide them with healthy outlets and nurture their friends as well. They're 100% better than I was - but I had to do it alone with five children. I'd choose my kid's parenting over mine, every time!" - Anne W.

Question: My lifelong friend is emotionally abusive to her partner and father of their child. I've known her for 30 years and I know and understand her tendency to be controlling and overly analytical but I feel that it's gone to the next level in her relationship. She has always been quite destructive in her relationships and I've seen many of her previous partners crumble under the stress and pressure of her invasive need for honesty and transparency.

Even if it's cold, and even if you're so tired, you should still trudge out the door to meet your friends, go on the date, get to the workout class, or whatever else you have scheduled. The King of Pentacles has a reliable, steady energy, which is especially helpful if your New Year's resolutions are starting losing steam. Be kind to yourself in the days ahead, and treat others the same way. Everyone says they want a close-knit community, but you actually need to show up in order to create it.