Relationships

Relationships

How did you build your village? We asked NPR's audience this question in our newsletter in January, inspired by Life Kit's interview with Priya Parker on how to create community. The key is to start imagining the community you might want to live in and then take steps to make that a reality, says Parker, a conflict resolution facilitator and the author of The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. Many of our readers have done just that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started a new job, and I feel as if my leaders don't care about my development. I ask my manager in our one-on-one meetings if there are specific things that I can work on to become more proficient at the job. She always says that I am doing well and that there's nothing in particular that I need to work on. On the surface, that sounds reassuring, but I have a feeling that it's not the full truth.

But what you have the right to do is not always the action that will lead to the most happiness for you. In fact, if you insist upon escalating before exploring a gentler approach, you will often make things worse. So your wife isn't entirely full of it. Tense relationships with neighbors really do make a lot of people miserable, and it makes sense that she'd want to avoid pissing off people who live within shouting distance and are apparently pretty combative.

Getting that perfect work-life balance is important for people. They believe it will reduce stress. The truth is: it won't. Stress has nothing to do with this. There is an illusion that these two worlds, business and personal, are separate. But they aren't. You can't separate work from life. Know why? Every single business is a personal life. You don't stop being human the moment you step into your office.

STUCK IN SILENCE DEAR STUCK: You can't fix something that may not be your fault. However, before calling it quits, you can offer your husband the opportunity to get your marriage back on track with the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist. Schedule an appointment with one, and if your husband refuses to go with you, go alone.

Lauren McCadney had always wanted to live next door to friends or family. In her late 50s, she finally made that happen, though not the way she'd planned. In 2020, Lauren's mother, who had been living with her brother and his family in Frederick, Maryland, died. Lauren, who was going through a difficult divorce and doesn't have children, decided she wanted to be closer to her family and help her brother care for their dad, who was dealing with his own health challenges.

I was thirty-eight years old the first time I stopped performing at Chinese New Year dinner. Not dramatically-I didn't stand up and deliver a monologue about authenticity or announce that I was done pretending. I just stopped smiling when I wasn't amused. I stopped nodding when I disagreed. I stopped telling my aunt that her unsolicited career advice was helpful when it wasn't. I stopped pretending that the version of me sitting at that table was the real one.

Many people come to therapy with a goal to work on communication, especially with a partner. The problem, as many see it, is "poor communication," and the goal is to have "better communication." Poor communication can mean a lot of things, including ongoing and repeated conflicts, trouble expressing what we want or need, and avoidant tendencies. Therapy can work out a number of these issues. Understanding our cycle of conflict can create quicker off-ramps to repair.

Ever notice how the biggest sacrifices we make for our families are often the ones that go completely unnoticed? I've been thinking about this lately, especially as I watch friends navigate their forties and fifties. These are the years when we're supposed to have it all figured out, right? Yet they're also when we quietly give up pieces of ourselves that nobody ever really talks about.

Twenty years ago, a woman sat opposite me on a train and quoted the first line of the book I was reading to me. We talked and talked about books, architecture, family, relationships and haven't stopped since. I assumed I'd never see her again, but she gave me her number and after texting furiously for a week she invited me to stay with her, and our instant intellectual connection became an intense physical one.

I was thinking about this the other day while scrolling through my phone on a Saturday morning, realizing I'd been working for two hours without even noticing. Growing up, my weekends looked nothing like this. There were unspoken rules, traditions that just happened without anyone scheduling them into a calendar app. These weren't grand gestures or expensive activities. They were simple rituals that, looking back now, built something most of us are desperately trying to recreate through therapy apps and self-help books: genuine connection.

When he was eight years old, Markus Lidman realized he was different from the other children in Pitea, a town in northern Sweden. They had all inherited the same pale skin tone as their parents. He, on the other hand, was dark-skinned. I decided to ask them if they were really my parents, and they told me they had adopted me in Colombia in 1982. They sat with me and showed me a video of the orphanage, he recalls.

I have been in a prayer group for a few years now. I enjoy praying and discussing all the ins and outs of the Bible. However, even though spiritually it's enriching, the people are a bit 'meh' - they are a bit of a letdown.

My boyfriend just lost his mom suddenly and tragically. He has barely been able to function during this time, so I took on the responsibility of making the arrangements to honor her life. I knew his mom, too, so it was hard having to stow away my grief, but I know he was grateful. My boyfriend's ex showed up to the funeral.

What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? Since then, I have never treated my relationships the same. I struggle with depression, which can make maintaining balance in a relationship extremely difficult. But if I can say to myself at the end of the day that I have done one thing just one little thing to make his life better, then I feel as if I haven't failed the day entirely. Brandi, North Carolina

On average, single adults in the U.S. report they have fallen in passionate love twice in their life so far, according to a new survey. And 14 percent of the 10,036 respondents said they had never fallen in passionate love at all. The results highlight the diversity of people's experiences with love, says the study's lead author Amanda Gesselman, a psychologist at Indiana University's Kinsey Institute. There's a lot more variation than we really know about, she says.

When Clara first learned that her college crush was getting married, she was heartbroken - because she wished it were the two of them tying the knot. They were friends in college, and this ex soon became Clara's first queer awakening. "[The crush] was strong enough that I had to admit it, or it would eat me alive," Clara, who asked to use a pseudonym for privacy, told HuffPost.

As Valentine's Day approaches, we are once again flooded with the usual suspects: roses, chocolates, sophisticated dinners and glossy ads featuring young heterosexual couples staring earnestly into each other's eyes. The problem isn't just that this version of romance is exclusionary though it is it's that it's profoundly out of step with how love is actually being lived, negotiated and reimagined in contemporary Australia.

After interviewing over 200 people for various articles, I've become hypersensitive to the subtle ways trust builds or breaks in conversation. And here's what I've discovered: we all use phrases that quietly erode trust, often multiple times a day, completely unaware of the damage we're doing to our relationships and credibility. The fascinating part? These aren't obvious lies or manipulative statements. They're everyday phrases that seem harmless but trigger our brain's ancient alarm systems, making people instinctively pull back from us.

I love my fiancée so much that I proposed to her twice. It wasn't because I didn't believe my lover - who is admittedly far out of my league - the first time she said yes, nor was it my pesky perfectionism rearing its demanding head because not every detail went according to plan. Rather, certain aspects of our engagement didn't quite meet our expectations.

When you add up dinner, drinks and gas or ride-shares, dating can cost a small fortune these days. It's become so expensive that a startling number of Americans are willing to take on credit card debt just to afford it. According to a new "loveflation" survey from online billing site Invoice Home, one in four young Americans would consider going into credit card debt to afford dating someone they really liked.