"You're allowed to enjoy nice things. Both elements—the nice things and being allowed them—were equally important. She was a fervent believer in the restorative power of a treat, taking herself out for solo breakfasts most weeks (a bacon muffin and a cup of coffee in the cosseted calm of Bettys Tea Rooms), ordering chips at the slightest provocation, staying in chic hotels she had a pre-internet gift for ferreting out and being coaxed by department store salesladies into buying expensive unguents."
"She grew up one of six children in a family with very little money, and took on caring responsibilities when she was very young; it was not a place, or a time, of treats. Feeling she was allowed to have nice things and go to lovely places was not a birthright, but she cultivated the confidence to pursue and enjoy them. Having grown up without much ease or beauty, seeking those things out and asserting her right to them was quietly defiant."
"I had the good fortune to grow up with more money than she did, but none of her nerve. Often the places she brought me felt flat-out intimidating, but she made it into a game of sorts, an implicit I dare you. Scuttling sheepishly in her wake, I would gradually become emboldened to enjoy myself, gawping at well-heeled punters in a Parisian brasserie."
A mother's enduring advice to her daughter emphasized both the importance of nice things and the permission to enjoy them. Growing up in poverty with early caregiving responsibilities, the mother deliberately sought out treats, spa visits, fine dining, and beautiful experiences as acts of quiet defiance. She extended this philosophy to her daughter through lavish lunches, massages, and spa trips during difficult periods. Though the daughter inherited greater financial security, she lacked her mother's confidence in claiming these pleasures. The mother's approach transformed intimidating experiences into empowering games, gradually teaching her daughter that enjoying beauty and comfort is not frivolous but a legitimate form of self-assertion and restoration.
#self-care-and-treats #maternal-wisdom #overcoming-scarcity-mindset #permission-and-confidence #beauty-and-restoration
Read at www.theguardian.com
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