I stopped trying to explain my boundaries and started just having them. The people who needed the explanation were never going to respect the boundary. They needed the explanation so they could argue with it. - Silicon Canals

"There's a deeply embedded social script that says you owe people reasons. You can't just say no. You have to say no because. And the because has to be good enough, thorough enough, sympathetic enough that the other person can process their disappointment without blaming you for it. This is an enormous amount of emotional labor dressed up as politeness."

"The request for explanation is often not a request for understanding. It's a request for material. Something to work with. Something to dismantle. When someone asks why you need a boundary, they're frequently looking for the load-bearing wall so they can knock it out."

"Psychology research suggests that in relationships where interpersonal boundaries are chronically blurred, one person's attempt to differentiate is often met not with curiosity but with resistance. The enmeshed partner experiences the boundary as a threat. And any explanation you offer becomes a thread they can pull to unravel your resolve."

Boundaries are often undermined by the social expectation to provide thorough explanations for them. The belief that finding the right words will make others respect limits is frequently misplaced, as those who need extensive justifications are typically the same people who violate boundaries anyway. Requests for explanations are often not genuine attempts to understand but rather opportunities to find weaknesses in the boundary itself. In enmeshed relationships, boundary-setting is frequently met with resistance rather than curiosity. The emotional labor spent constructing justifications for deserving personal limits is substantial and ultimately counterproductive to maintaining healthy boundaries.

Read at Silicon Canals