"The truth is that there's no such thing as the "right" amount of desire. Everyone is different; all variation is normal, from zero desire to lots and lots. We might know that intellectually. But even so, there are a few ways in which the assumption that there's a "right" amount of desire can creep into our work."
"The lower desire partner may feel pressured and put-upon. The higher-desire partner may feel trapped and hopeless. Both experiences are real, painful, and valid. Holding that tension is challenging, and therapists sometimes collapse and form a coalition with one partner or the other."
Sexual desire varies naturally among individuals, and there is no objectively correct amount. In couples therapy, both partners experiencing desire discrepancies often seek validation that their preference is normal while the other's is abnormal. Therapists must recognize that both higher-desire and lower-desire partners experience real, valid pain. The challenge lies in avoiding unconscious bias toward either partner based on personal experience or incomplete understanding of topics like asexuality. Recognizing that all desire levels fall within normal variation helps therapists maintain neutrality and support couples in navigating differences without pathologizing either person's sexuality.
Read at Psychology Today
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