"The only time I'm bothered by not orgasming with my partner is when it bothers my partner. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, even though I am fine with it for myself. My boyfriend really wants me to orgasm with him, and he wants me to use my vibrator on myself with him. I don't want to."
"He keeps saying he's not putting pressure on me, but I feel like he is just by this still being a conversation despite my having articulated my thoughts about it. Although I appreciate that he wants to give me pleasure, I think my orgasm should be about what I want, not about pleasing him."
"Your boyfriend might conceive of 'pressure' as 'coercion,' where in your definition, you (rightly so, in my opinion) also include 'reintroducing the subject multiple times in fairly quick succession after being directly told no' which is otherwise known as 'nagging.'"
A woman who orgasms easily alone but struggles to do so with partners seeks advice about her boyfriend's persistent requests that she use a vibrator during sex. She is satisfied with her sexual experiences and does not view her lack of partnered orgasms as a problem. However, her boyfriend continues to raise the topic despite her repeated explanations that observation and goal-oriented focus prevent her from achieving orgasm. She feels pressured by his ongoing conversation about it, even though he claims he isn't pressuring her. The advice emphasizes that her orgasm should prioritize her own desires rather than his satisfaction, and that repeatedly reintroducing a rejected topic constitutes pressure through nagging.
#sexual-communication #relationship-boundaries #orgasm-expectations #partner-pressure #sexual-satisfaction
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