#self-compassion

#self-compassion

First and foremost, please be kind to yourself. I do not need to know much about you, dear reader, to know that you are likely struggling with something: regret, guilt, sadness, anger, or pain. The reason I know this is because these experiences are universal to us all. Please treat yourself with kindness as you navigate these challenges because it makes the journey more bearable.

The principle of non-harming, ahimsa, is the very first of the , or social and ethical restraints, outlined in Patañjali's Yoga Sutras. While we often think of ahimsa as how we treat others, its deepest invitation is to turn that same gentleness inward. When we give ourselves the same tenderness we would extend to a loved one or a dear friend, the nervous system softens, the mind quiets, and space opens for healing.

This experience taught me that letting go isn't about weakness, failure, or loss. It's about creating space-for ease, clarity, and the next chapter of our lives. In fact, it was my own transition to my next chapter that enabled me to finish the book. I learned to release outdated beliefs, soften my self-judgment, and eliminate roles that no longer fit.

Money mistakes happen. We've all had that moment of overspending, taking on debt or making an investment that didn't work out. Financial mistakes are part of being human, but for many, these mistakes come with the heavy burden of shame. Unlike guilt, which can motivate us to change our behavior, shame can leave us stuck. Understanding how shame shows up and learning how to work through it can create a path toward a healthier relationship with money.

Do you find yourself being harshly self-critical after you've made a mistake or failed to meet a personal goal? Familiar self-statements might be: "I can't seem to do anything right!" or "I'm just not talented enough." Maybe you falsely assume that you must be harsh with yourself in hopes of getting better results next time. What you might not know is that your self-criticism may be making it less likely that you'll succeed in the future.

For children in foster care, safety is only part of healing. Many carry an invisible burden of shame that comes from being separated from their families of origin. Unlike guilt, which says "I did something bad," shame whispers " I am bad." Over time, this whisper weaves into identity, so that making a mistake feels like proof of worthlessness rather than an opportunity to learn.

Whatever you're feeling right now is what you should be feeling right now. If you're sad and depressed, fine. If you're often angry, good. If you can't feel anything, well, that's okay too. If you're stressed, worried, and feeling all the feels, so be it. There's no wrong way to feel about losing your child. You can't f--- it up any worse than it already is.

This means that your mind is flexible enough to stay calm and steady even in stressful and unpleasant situations. Here are a some suggestions for cultivating this sublime state of mind. Learn to live well despite your limitations. In 2001, I became chronically ill after contracting what appeared to be a routine viral infection. Today, my doctor calls me a "long hauler," a term that came into use when people didn't (for haven't) recovered fully from a bout with Covid.

Most of us have been reminded many times to practice self-care for the sake of our own physical and mental health or general well-being. We have been advised to eat a healthy diet, include some physical activity in each day, and get adequate sleep. These habits have been characterized as self-nurturant skills (Webb, 2014). It's not difficult to see how these actions would improve general well-being; you might even consider them to be obvious parts of a balanced lifestyle.

Loneliness is a common experience, and people in loving relationships are not immune to these feelings. Understanding that feelings of loneliness can arise from various sources, such as inadequacy or lost friendships, allows individuals to create proactive strategies and take control.

Suffering = pain x resistance. When we resist our resistance and beat ourselves up, we multiply our initial suffering, leading to even greater distress.

Self-compassion is not self-pity, self-indulgence, or self-esteem. It involves recognizing our suffering, acknowledging common humanity, and offering kindness, which can be validating, reassuring, or nurturing.

Maladaptive guilt keeps us stuck in self-blame and hinders growth. Guilt can be broken down into smaller parts to examine objectively.

If you struggle with depression, self-criticism worsens your condition, while compassion and small acts of kindness can lead to healing and upliftment.

How one quick reframe turned 'I'm a terrible parent' into a moment of healing and connection. Melissa, a working mom, snapped at her daughter but then applied self-compassion.

"I feel like I'm living someone else's life." "Why do I always put others' needs ahead of mine?" "Social situations exhaust me." In my practice, I frequently hear statements like this, and they indicate that someone might be living a partially or fully performative life.

"Shame is one of the most uncomfortable experiences, so much so that we often project our shame onto others to provide some relief from the discomfort."