#inner-critic

#inner-critic

For most of my life, I have carried an invisible companion: a harsh inner voice that sounds like mine and tells me, over and over, that I am not enough. It's so oppressive that people close to me have often said they'd never met anyone so hard on themselves. Over decades of listening to that voice, I let it convince me that no achievement was ever sufficient.

When I was a young, inexperienced fighter pilot, I lived with this constant fear that I didn't belong and wasn't good enough. I'd walk into a briefing room and feel like everyone else had it together. Meanwhile, I was hyperaware of everything I said and did as I tried to live up to my idea of what the perfect fighter pilot was.

An anxious achiever is someone who channels anxiety into ambition, work ethic, productivity, and leadership. Along the way, they've learned that performance equals value. Many people tell me, "When I achieved, I was loved. I learned that's what I should do-and the fear of losing keeps me moving forward." Others say, "I grew up poor, with a single mom who struggled and a dad who didn't pay the bills. I'll never be that vulnerable again." For them, the anxiety of scarcity drives their determination.

Perfectionism is a simple way to avoid dealing with complex life problems. Perfectionists compare themselves only to their best parts, fixating on qualities they lack.