As human beings, each of us is at once perfect and a work in progress. As we grow and expand our knowledge and understanding of the world, we sometimes experience setbacks and failures. We sometimes make mistakes. Some of those mistakes, long after we have made them, loom large in our minds and persist in our thoughts, so much so that we are burdened with regret and remorse for the hurt and harm we have caused others.
Looking back, most parents and adult children are going to have some regrets about their adolescent time together. They may regret what they did (commission) or didn't do (omission)-mistakes made or opportunities missed. Commission regrets might be: "I wish I hadn't lied to them about so much and grown so far away." Dishonesty costs intimacy, creating distance from distrust. Or: "We held onto her too tight when we should have done more letting go!" Their need to control delayed important youthful learning from life experience.
My truest taste of regret happened when I was just 16. I was a junior in high school and feeling fully overwhelmed by things I had no control over. That feeling came directly from living in a family unraveling at the seams, but I was too young to understand what was happening. My emotions were packaged up tightly, so I grabbed hold of things I did understand, and what I understood more than anything else was swimming.
Over 15 years ago, my husband and I thought we'd built the 3,000-square-foot home of our dreams. We added extra bathrooms, another bedroom, and focused on having tons of space for loved ones.