Gentling the Inner Critic

"The inner critic is a scolding voice in our head that hurls "can'ts" and "shoulds" at us: "You can't go." "You can't make it alone." "You should stay put." The inner critic is a mindset, usually from the past - something we learned, not something we were born with. It is an echo from people and institutions who judged us in the course of our lives."

"But we are actually listening to a skilled ventriloquist. Yet, there is good news. Since the critic now exists only in our heads, we can change the message we hear. We can input the voice of a nurturing parent or kindly coach, one who says what encourages us and bolsters our self-esteem. We can hear in our mind what we wanted to hear from our original parent."

The inner critic is a learned, scolding voice that hurls "can'ts" and "shoulds," reflecting judgments from family, peers, religion, school, and society. The critic often sounds like a scolding parent and can feel like an accurate self-assessment, but it originates in past external messages and becomes internalized. Because the critic exists only in the mind, the voice and message can be changed into a nurturing, encouraging one that supports self-advocacy and bolsters self-esteem. Taming the critic uses gentle coaxing, mindfulness, and reframing so critical statements become neutral facts about human limitations rather than sources of shame.

Read at Psychology Today