Handling Regrets Mindfully and Usefully

"Once we accept the given that we all make mistakes, fail to act, and impulsively and unwisely choose, regret is no longer about shame. It is about saying yes to our human predicament with all its intriguing intrigues. We may be looking at the givens of all human experiences and thinking they refer only to us. Indeed, regret thrives on isolation: "Only I could have been that dumb." Actually, we have all been that dumb and worse."

"Regret is the point-down inner critic 's favorite sport. Regret is lamenting about past choices that we now consider to have been mistakes. Since the past can't be wiped out, neither can regrets about it. Our work is not to get rid of regrets but to handle them mindfully and usefully. We can begin by realizing that what happened in the past does not have to be taken as the whole picture."

Regret involves lamenting past choices viewed as mistakes and cannot be erased because the past is fixed. Regret becomes unhelpful when the inner critic uses it to reinforce shame and isolation by labeling individuals as inadequate. Accepting that everyone makes mistakes transforms regret from shame into acceptance of human imperfection and can foster humility. Regret also functions as unresolved grief; repeating the grief process keeps people stuck. Errors and losses are meant to move through grief to nostalgia and letting go. Interrupting that process freezes regret and prevents learning and repair.

Read at Psychology Today