How to Let Go of Regret

"Regret may be the inner critic 's favorite topic. Regret is lamenting about past choices that we now consider to have been mistakes. But this tie to the past does not have to be taken as the whole picture. Regrets serve to keep us stuck because the inner critic mutters, "You have made so many mistakes because you are inadequate and unskilled. You are too messed up to work anything out or try something new.""

"It's important to remember that mistakes are a given of human experience, but we often think that this given applies only to us. Indeed, regret thrives on isolation: "Only I could have been that dumb." Actually, we have all been that dumb, and worse. Our compassionate sense of ourselves in this frail human family makes regret less impactful. In that context, regret can help us cultivate the virtue of humility."

"In addition, regret is about grieving. The root word "gret" means "to weep" or "to lament"-essentially, to grieve. We keep spinning our wheels in our grief experience, never resolving it. That is why regret keeps gnawing at us. We repeat rather than complete. All our errors and losses are meant to go to grief, then to nostalgia, and then to letting go. When we interrupt this protocol, we wind up stuck in regret."

Regret is lamenting past choices that are later judged mistakes. The inner critic uses regret to assert personal inadequacy, keeping people stuck and silencing attempts to try something new. Accepting that mistakes, failures, and impulsive choices are universal removes shame and diminishes fear's power. Recognizing shared human fallibility fosters compassion and humility, undermining the isolation that feeds regret. Regret functions as grieving: the root "gret" means to weep or lament, and unresolved grief causes repetitive rumination. Completing the grieving process through sorrow, nostalgia, and letting go allows errors and losses to be processed rather than replayed. Examining regrets in relation to life themes can help break free from their grip.

Read at Psychology Today