We've all seen it happen: A couple sits across from each other at dinner, and you can feel the tension in the air. She asks what's wrong, and he says "nothing" while his jaw stays clenched and his eyes avoid hers. I used to be that guy. Growing up as the quieter brother, I learned early that keeping thoughts to myself felt safer than speaking up. But what I didn't realize until much later was that this silence was slowly poisoning every relationship I had.
1) "I'm not sure what you mean by that. Can you explain? This is my go-to response because it forces the other person to spell out their actual intention. Most passive-aggressive comments rely on plausible deniability. When you ask for clarification, you're essentially calling their bluff. The beauty of this phrase is that it's completely neutral because you're just asking a question. If they really meant nothing by it, they can clarify; if they were being passive-aggressive, they now have to either own it or backtrack.
"An inability to handle rejection of any kind. Sometimes, for better or worse, the answer is 'no', and how people respond to this tells you so much about them. 'I've seen awful cases of this in both men and women. No, I won't sleep with you. No, I won't be your boyfriend. No, I won't give you money, No, I won't take you out. No, I won't meet you at X time in y place. No, I'm not interested.'"
But sometimes, communication between partners fails to achieve clarity and directness; sometimes it leans into passive-aggressive criticisms instead. We've all been there, and we have likely felt uncomfortable when someone lands a jab against their partner in our presence. The partner ends up feeling embarrassed and may struggle to reply, since they usually can't respond in kind without escalating the conflict in public.
Have you run into someone who is always bubbly, upbeat, and never seems down on life? The truth is, everyone experiences both positive and negative emotions-and when someone seems incapable of acknowledging anything less than happiness or joy in their lives, it could be a sign they're avoidant of more uncomfortable feelings. Yes, allowing yourself to recognize and experience sadness, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and anger can be unpleasant. It can bring up painful memories or cause worry about current relationships.
Ask your roommate to have a household meeting. At the meeting, point out that you have noticed the many notes all over your home with your roommate's requests for work to be done. Push back. Explain that you do not appreciate the notes. You prefer having a direct conversation about the delineation of duties in your shared space. Acknowledge that the two of you have different standards,
You need to stand up for yourself. When your husband speaks to you in an unacceptable way, tell him to stop. In the moment, if possible, point out that he is yelling or being rude or disrespectful. You can even say, Honey, I know you had a hard day today, but I need you not to take it out on me.
This season has been less about who is right or wrong in any argument and more about the tactics they use to fight each other. Just like Guerdy was totally right in her fight with Julia, especially after she threw water at her, but the tactics she used to publish Julia's texts made her behavior unseemly to the women.
