"Each holiday season as family gathers, Cousin Cassidy makes a grand entrance with an armload of gifts-a cappuccino machine for one sibling, designer sweater for that brother-in-law, and much-hoped-for toys for those two nieces. Family knows that their other sister is diabetic, limiting sweets. Yet when she opens Cassidy's gift, it's cheap chocolates. Her little girl had a wish list, too but opened a knit cap, imprinted with a logo of Cassidy's employer."
"There's neuroscience behind gift-giving since dopamine stimulates brain regions, a rewarding phenomenon when we bring happiness to others. 1 Other research shows that giving well-intended self-improvement gifts (like weight-loss products) leaves recipients feeling judged. 2 Sadly, here are the passive-aggressive problems when altruistic motives don't exist: Scores to settle: When resentments mount, gifts prove points. Passive aggressors typically grow up not taught how to be direct and express genuine feelings."
Gift-giving activates the brain's reward circuitry through dopamine when gifts genuinely bring joy. Gifts can also be used as tools of antagonism by passive-aggressive, selfish, or narcissistic individuals. In family contexts, inappropriate or thoughtless gifts can ignore recipients' needs and provoke shame, criticism, or mockery. Giving self-improvement presents can make recipients feel judged rather than supported. Passive-aggressive gift-giving often reflects accumulated resentments, indirect behaviors, and an inability to express feelings directly. Holidays and annual gatherings commonly trigger these dynamics after years of buried grievances, sometimes culminating in overt conflict.
Read at Psychology Today
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