"Being angry can feel good. And when we're in a relationship, it is often our partner who is the focus of our anger. Much like the Dark Side of the Force, anger can be appealing and seductive, but ultimately painful and self-destructive, only without the cool glowing space swords. Being angry feels especially good when we feel we are justified."
"We are a passenger in our partner's car when we see they are going to make a wrong turn, but instead of pointing this out we remain silent until afterward, so that we can then comment on how they took a wrong turn, or observe in a passive-aggressive way that oh, I see you decided to take the scenic route."
"Our partner wants to plan a trip, but we feel anxious about money and planning ahead, so we withdraw and refuse to participate. Our partner eventually gets sick of waiting for us and plans the trip. Once we are on the trip, we point out all the things we don't like about the trip in a critical way, knowing that we have avoided taking any responsibility for the planning and won't share in any of the blame."
Anger traps are intentionally created scenarios that allow a person to react with anger and feel justified. They often stem from fear of intimacy and a desire to avoid responsibility or vulnerability. Anger traps provide short-term emotional reward by shifting blame outward and reducing personal accountability. Over time they erode relational closeness, trust, and mutual support by prompting passive-aggressive comments, withdrawal from shared responsibilities, and critical behavior. Common examples include staying silent to later criticize a partner's driving, refusing to help plan to avoid responsibility then complaining, and creating opportunities to blame the partner for predictable problems.
Read at Psychology Today
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]