The better you are at managing your emotions, the less emotional support people offer you. It's not cruelty. It's perceptual bias. People take your composure at face value because it's efficient for them to do so. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people consistently underestimate the emotional needs of those they perceive as high copers.
You know that feeling when your phone buzzes with party invites, your LinkedIn connections hit four digits, and your calendar stays packed with coffee dates and networking events? Yet when life throws you a curveball at 2 am-maybe you're stranded with a dead car battery, or anxiety has you wide awake-you scroll through your contacts and realize there's no one you can actually call. If this hits close to home, you're not alone.
Picture this: the wine glasses are half-empty, the main course plates have been cleared, and suddenly the conversation hits that dreaded wall. You can hear the forks scraping against dessert plates, someone clearing their throat, the uncomfortable shuffle of feet under the table. We've all been there, watching a lively dinner party deflate like a punctured balloon, everyone suddenly fascinated by their napkins or reaching for their phones.
Closer to home, I once visited my beloved grandmother-in-law in the senior home where she resided. I stayed for dinner, choosing the turkey option. "What!" Grandma exclaimed, "You don't like the chicken?!" The emotional vibes reverberating in this episode are ambivalent and textured. There is an element of care, benevolence, and interest, but there is also the sting of reproach and the claim of the high ground in a power game.
Sometimes, you can be talking to someone for hours, and it feels like only a few minutes. You natter and natter without ever having to think of what to say or cringe through any awkward silence. There's a gentle sway to things - you listen, they speak, they listen, you speak. The chat dances to the easy and comfortable rhythm of the conversational tide.
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.
"We start walking up to the Capitol, and we get the news that Pence betrayed us. He had way more power, and he wasn't willing to exercise it. And when Pence betrayed us is when we decided to storm the Capitol. (...) We just pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed, and yelled 'Go!' and yelled 'Charge!' And on and on and on, we just pushed and pushed and pushed-and we got in." (Jenny Cudd, recorded live video)
In the rapidly evolving landscape of social psychology, findings that initially seem groundbreaking may lead to significant setbacks, as evidenced by the failure to replicate key priming results.
