In a recent study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers tracked over 3,000 people to understand why they seek love. They found that the love that thrives aligns with intrinsic motivation and identified regulation - genuine, internalized reasons for pursuing a relationship. Individuals with autonomous motivation were more likely to develop and maintain long-term romantic relationships. It was less a matter of obligation and more one of genuine concern for their partner's happiness.
The day after my now-husband and I got engaged, we found ourselves talking frankly about what would happen if we ever got divorced. How would it unfold? Would it be different if we had children? We were studying families and couples in our graduate program, and we knew too much to pretend divorce would never happen to us. I have reflected on that moment often in the last 15 years.