"The day after my now-husband and I got engaged, we found ourselves talking frankly about what would happen if we ever got divorced. How would it unfold? Would it be different if we had children? We were studying families and couples in our graduate program, and we knew too much to pretend divorce would never happen to us. I have reflected on that moment often in the last 15 years."
"In American (and other Western) cultures, we are flooded with messages that romantic love is unconditional - once we choose a partner and commit to them, the love between us will be there no matter what. We expect love to carry us through life's tough spots and smooth over our personal shortcomings. Unfortunately, this rarely holds up to the tests couples endure as they share a life. Even joyful and welcome transitions like becoming parents, moving for new opportunities, or developing as individuals"
Couples often assume divorce will not happen to them, influenced by a psychological sense of perceived invulnerability. Romantic love is commonly idealized as unconditional and self-sustaining despite life changes. Life transitions like parenthood, relocation, and individual development create strains that reveal unmet expectations. Disillusionment from those unmet expectations predicts marital breakdown. Strong relationships face hardship but can be sustained through clear communication and committed effort. Relationship decay is typically gradual rather than dramatic, occurring when partners stop giving consistent attention and care. Realistic acknowledgement of risks helps couples prepare and maintain relationship resilience.
Read at Psychology Today
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