Feeling Like You Both Have Less in Common? Time to Update

"In the early years of their relationship, Julie and Jack will admit that they did a lot of partying, while for other couples, the glue of their relationship might be going through school together, working on politics, or a sport. But life has changed for Julie and Jack. Partying has been replaced with jobs and kids. Date nights feel a bit strained-lots of talk about kids, jobs, and logistics, but little else."

"Julie and Jack are not unique. Many couples find that what initially brought them together and shared has withered away. Partying for Julie and Jack, or for other couples, school, is no longer something they want or need to do; they've naturally grown and changed as individuals. As a result, their lives, once built around each other and their shared interests, have now been replaced-jobs and careers, the soccer games and ballet lessons, the mowing of the grass or the pulling of weeds."

"While changes grow over time, there are predictable developmental tipping points. For many couples, it comes around the seven-year itch mark-most couples get divorced at 8.2 years-where they discover that the life they've built with its rules and routines no longer fits them. Rather than taking on the challenge of revamping their relationship, too many couples move their relationship to the back burner. They downshift to mom and pop or workaholics, and, not surprisingly, struggle through the date nights that Julie and Jack experience."

Common interests that initially bring couples together can fade as individuals and circumstances change. Everyday responsibilities—work, childcare, household tasks—often take priority and push the couple relationship to the back burner. Date nights can become dominated by logistics and talk about children and jobs, reducing emotional intimacy. Predictable developmental tipping points, such as around seven years or when children are launched, expose mismatches between established routines and current needs. Many couples downshift into parental or work-focused roles instead of actively revamping their relationship. Periodically taking stock of the relationship and making intentional adjustments can help couples stay connected.

Read at Psychology Today