#relationship-expectations

#relationship-expectations

My husband and I have a great life in many ways. We are successful, have small children, and are doing well in life. My issue is that our sex life has really dwindled into an occasional treat, and I really miss it. It could be once a month now, although earlier this year it was a good three or four months where nothing happened.

Why pressure shuts desire down Sex research consistently shows that desire does not thrive under expectation. In fact, pressure activates the very system designed to suppress sexual response. The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response (Bancroft & Janssen, 2007) explains that our sexual experience is controlled by two competing systems: one that activates arousal, and one that inhibits it. Sex therapist and researcher Emily Nagoski describes these simply as our "accelerators" and our "brakes".