"Why pressure shuts desire down Sex research consistently shows that desire does not thrive under expectation. In fact, pressure activates the very system designed to suppress sexual response. The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response (Bancroft & Janssen, 2007) explains that our sexual experience is controlled by two competing systems: one that activates arousal, and one that inhibits it. Sex therapist and researcher Emily Nagoski describes these simply as our "accelerators" and our "brakes"."
"So when sex becomes something you feel you should want, your brakes start to turn on. You move out of your body and into an observation mode. You enter a state of self-monitoring and you start scanning for signs of danger: Am I responding enough?Are we as connected as we should be?If I feel tired or shut down, does this mean something is wrong with us?"
Holidays and time off often carry expectations of reconnecting and increased intimacy, but those expectations can produce tension, emptiness, and reduced desire. When sex feels obligatory, inhibitory systems engage and arousal is suppressed. The Dual Control Model frames sexual experience as a balance between accelerators that activate arousal and brakes that inhibit it. Self-monitoring and evaluation during pressured moments trigger the body's stress response, redirecting blood flow away from arousal-related areas toward vigilance and control. Muscles tighten, breathing becomes shallow, sensations dull, and sexual inhibition increases, making closeness and touch feel less appealing despite intentions to reconnect.
Read at Psychology Today
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