#grandparents

#grandparents

Recently, I was at a family gathering when I noticed something fascinating. My friend's grandmother, in her eighties, was completely surrounded by her adult grandchildren. They weren't just there out of obligation - they were genuinely engaged, laughing at her stories, asking for advice, and making plans for their next visit. Meanwhile, at another table, I watched a different grandmother sit mostly alone while her adult grandchildren stayed glued to their phones, offering only polite nods and forced smiles.

I consider my mom the crème de la crème of mothers. She was the involved kind; always pulling out crafts, baking cookies, and making you feel deeply loved. But as a grandma, she's the first to admit things haven't unfolded the way she imagined. I can't think of a time when my three kids, ages 2, 8, and 13, had my parents entirely to themselves.

I see nothing positive to be gained by punishing your daughter and your 6- and 8-year-old grandchildren, who have offered viable alternatives, because their father is uncomfortable with your sexual orientation. Let your daughter visit and bring the children. Foster a strong relationship with all of them. If you succeed, your narrow-minded son-in-law may find himself increasingly marginalized.

I gave birth to a baby girl a few weeks ago, and my mom has been coming to help every week for a full day. She's wonderful with my newborn: she changes diapers like a pro, she is great at getting her to stop crying, and she is respectful of rules that were different from when she had her kids (like the fact that babies are supposed to sleep on their backs, without blankets and stuffed animals in the crib).

First, you need to understand that the choice to cut off contact with a loved one is rarely an easy one -and in cases where both parties want connection and reconciliation, it can also be a temporary one. Especially when someone is working with a therapist, the decision is usually made after trying out nearly every other option and approach to ask for a change in the relationship.

I promise, nobody's going to ask you to create a whole new house or completely babyproof every square inch of your home before your kids and grandkids come visit. However, there are a few things you can do that would ease the stress and worries of traveling for the holidays. Maybe you can't be on the plane to help your toddler grandson from crying, but you could meet them at the airport

I'm pretty close with him. I call him every couple of weeks. Usually we have a phone conversation and he asks how New York is, or school, or wherever we are. And in every single conversation he's like, "Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend yet? Where's your boyfriend?"

When children visit someone's house, it's a really good time to instill that they need to be polite and respect the rules of others. When you're at home it's totally different and you can expect to be much more relaxed, but when going to Grandma's, or a restaurant, or the grocery store, it's a great time to reel it in and practice our social skills.

Every year, for the last six years, my boys spend a week or two in Virginia with my in-laws at their house after the excitement of summer camp and family vacation has settled. Living five hours away from them, my kids don't get as much quality time with their grandparents during the school year as they'd like. Often, we spend winter or spring break at an Airbnb catching up with them,

I think this is more controversial or unique than I thought it was, but my take is basically: If you're watching my kid, you can do it your way,

Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Dear Care and Feeding, Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. My parents have always had some issues with respecting boundaries that my wife "Mia" and I set for our two boys, ages 5 and 7, but last weekend they did something that has my wife ready to cut them off for good.

In my private practice, I work with a grandmother who feels like she worries "too much" about her teenage granddaughter. She often feels that when she visits with her adult children and grandchildren, as much as she loves seeing them, she always leaves worrying more and more about things that her granddaughter is doing. Her granddaughter's struggles with friendships, her reliance on social media, and worries about her future in today's uncertain world sit squarely on this grandmother's shoulders.

My grandmother's influence continues to shape my relationships today, even after her death. Her adoration helped me develop an enduring sense of self-worth.