"My mom bought a house in our small town and has been visiting (cross-country!) every two to three weeks. She asked if she could come do laundry while we're at work and the kids are in school. Sure. While doing laundry, she folded all the laundry, did dishes (questionably) by hand and left them scattered across the whole kitchen drying, and cleaned a teen's room. My husband is upset."
"We've had many conversations about not doing these things because they drive my husband nuts. I relayed that we'd prefer she not come over when we're not there. First, she said she'd accept my wishes as long as I promised to protect my children because men come and go. Then, she started speaking to me only about the kids. And today, she sat outside in her car during family dinner, refusing to come in despite multiple invitations."
"It can cause a little tension in our relationships when our partners or spouses think (understandably!) that having parents who will let themselves into their adult children's homes and decorate their living rooms is a bit odd. But my thinking is threefold here: We owe it to our partners to give them privacy from our families, we owe it to our families to make them feel welcome in our lives, and we owe it to ourselves to have peace in our homes with everyone getting along."
A mother moved closer and began frequent visits, entering the home and doing chores while the family was away, which upset the husband. Requests that she not come over when no one is home were inconsistently honored, followed by conditional acceptance and passive refusal to join dinner. The situation creates tension between protecting a partner's sense of privacy and keeping family relationships welcoming. The advised approach emphasizes balancing obligations to partners and family, establishing clear boundaries, communicating consistently, and prioritizing peace in the household to reduce ongoing friction.
Read at Slate Magazine
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