#childhood-development

#childhood-development

A child who only hears praise when they perform, who never hears 'I just like having you around' or 'You don't have to do anything special for me to love being your parent,' learns something far more corrosive: that their baseline state is insufficient. The lesson isn't explicit. No parent sits their child down and says, 'You are only lovable when productive.' The lesson is absorbed through thousands of micro-moments.

There's an analogy I've heard many times that may be helpful here: If there are a few poison M&Ms in a bag of 30, should you feel safe eating it? What's three out of 30, right? Is it likely that James or someone else will do something inappropriate? No, but is it impossible? Also no.

I worked with primary school kids who were struggling with home and school life. One little boy, aged seven, had a tough exterior but would listen with rapture during story time.

Inner critics can cause feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and shame, making it difficult to experience joy or relaxation. They often represent adaptive strategies developed in childhood.

I want Milton and Goose kitchens to last through all the kids in a family. Then, they can be passed to friends or packed away for the next generation.

I see in my clients how childhood messages both negative and positive shape who they become. Being shouted at can alter a child's brain.

Not all anger is destructive; when understood, it becomes an adaptive emotion that helps us maintain integrity and respond to boundary violations.

This quote highlights a truth that psychoanalysts and counselors have long observed: Many of us try to fill the gaps of our childhood in our adult relationships.