#attachment-theory

#attachment-theory

"I want to live a life I'm not disturbed by." It was an intense session with a new client, a 30-something single mother baffled by a long and winding trail of chaotic relationships-from partners whose fingers kept sneaking back to dating apps, to outbursts of rage toward those she loved most, often triggered by something trivial. A kind, intelligent woman with gentle eyes and a warm demeanor,

Almost every intimate bond begins with some form of companionship, shared laughter, or mutual support. When that foundation begins to erode, the romantic or long-term relationship above it also begins to crack. Relationships frequently disintegrate without causing a major rift, just as friendships can slowly deteriorate. This fading can be harder to see because love, cohabitation, or family ties create a stronger sense of obligation. The signals are subtler but no less powerful.

We've all had rough days when nothing goes right, and we think, "Why does this always happen to me?" That thought feels awful, but oddly comforting. Self-pity is an emotional state we love to hate. We know that it stalls growth and recognize that it doesn't make us more likable, and yet many of us find ourselves stuck in its grip. Here are six reasons that help explain why it develops and why it's so hard to overcome.

A huge mistake we make in love relationships is assuming that events and behaviors mean (or should mean) the same to both partners. Behaviors and events rarely mean the same to partners, who almost invariably differ in: Temperament Metabolism Hormonal levels Core vulnerability Family history Life experiences Developmental trajectory (matured at different stages) All of the above influence the meaning we give to events and behaviors.

Emotionally unavailable people keep others at arm's length through subtle communication habits such as avoiding vulnerability and steering clear of deep conversations.

We have an innate need to attach to caregivers; however, anything beyond that initial impulse to attach must be taught.

People with higher levels of disgust sensitivity are more likely to reject potential partners for minor flaws.

If growth comes from struggle, and if relationships are where we mirror and evolve, what happens when we outsource those human moments to machines?