#small-talk

#small-talk

As a professor of negotiation and influence, I've observed a fascinating consistency in my students: They instinctively value behavioral concepts-the art of rapport, the dynamics of power, and the science of persuasion. Yet, they often struggle with their practical application. It's the classic gap between knowing and doing. On the surface, the principles seem simple (e.g., engage in conversation, listen, be friendly), but applying them effectively in high-stakes environments is the true rigor of leadership.

Something general and meaningless can help divert small talk such as this. Oh, not sure or Enjoying it, I hope or This and that. These are empty-calorie phrases that keep the ball in the air without forcing you to divulge anything you don't want to divulge. It's also helpful to keep the context of these questions in mind. These people aren't prying. As you said, they're trained to make small talk so that customers feel comfortable. Depersonalizing the ask can help.

For as long as I can remember, I have found small talk problematic. It was boring at best and stressful at worst. A colleague commenting on the weather, when I could see for myself that it was raining. The postman asking: How are you today? An impossibly broad question to answer briefly. I worked in book publishing for years, where networking was essential. I could discuss authors, print runs or marketing budgets with ease.

We tend to overestimate how uncomfortable small talk will be and underestimate how enjoyable it will be. We let our worst fears win out. Do people sometimes reject our bids to chat? For sure. But most of the time, we have more in common than we expected. Pushing yourself to talk with others can be a kind of exposure therapy. If done correctly, you'll be rewarded for initiating conversations by having a good time conversing. The more good conversations you have, the more likely you'll be to have more conversations.

I own a business, and frankly I hate it. It consumes all of my time and energy and I'm trying to figure out a plan to get out. That said, the only thing I hate more than owning and operating my business is TALKING about the business I own and operate. And yet, in any social gathering, people inevitably ask me about how it's going. And no matter how many times I deflect or redirect, inevitably, at the next social gathering, people ask me about it.

"Historically, small talk has been a ritualized form of diplomacy," said Alison Blackler, a mind coach, author, and TEDx speaker. "It allows people to signal civility, gauge each other's intentions, and maintain harmony in social groups."

The average Brit spends a whopping 56.6 hours talking about the weather over the course of a year, equivalent to two days and nine hours.