A remarkable number of very different people tried to express a particular burden to me-a burden they had carried through their lives and felt deeply, but never had the words to express. These folks were not damaged, traumatized, or mentally ill. There was no diagnosis to capture their struggle. And they weren't actually different, or empty, or alone, but they felt this way for a reason.
Abigail needs to tell her adult son Mark that she thinks he has a drinking problem. Simon needs to tell his wife Lisa that he's afraid he doesn't love her anymore. From time to time, we all find ourselves in a tough spot. Something looks wrong or feels wrong, and we need to say something difficult. Something painful that may hurt someone we care about, but which nevertheless must be said.
Childhood neglect describes the trauma of what didn't happen. Neglect occurs when parents or caregivers fail to meet their child's educational needs or to provide adequate food, shelter, and medical care. Also, when parents and caregivers fail to provide emotional support, they may withhold validation, nurture, and affection, resulting in emotional neglect.
The first thing the interviewer asked me was, "Why the name Running on Empty? Where did that come from?" To be honest, I was somewhat unprepared for this question, and I stumbled a bit. The only answer I could think of at first was: "Because that's what childhood emotional neglect makes you feel." It made such intuitive sense to me that I had never even thought about how to explain it.
Perhaps you have moments when you hesitate to share how you really feel, or you find yourself questioning whether what you have is genuine intimacy or just a peaceful routine. These are common questions, especially if you grew up in a family where emotions were ignored, dismissed, or handled inconsistently ( childhood emotional neglect). When your early environment teaches you to stay quiet about your feelings, you become skilled at functioning without emotional connection.
Have you ever noticed something change after a glass of wine or a cocktail? Maybe you or your partner suddenly become more talkative, affectionate, or emotionally open. It might feel like a wall has come down. For a little while, everything feels easier. More connected. More loving. Then the next morning, it's gone. If this feels familiar, there's a good reason. Alcohol can temporarily unlock emotions that feel stuck or out of reach.
Emotional validation happens when your parents see what you are feeling, acknowledge your feelings, and seem to understand why you are having them. Just like adults, children's feelings are the deepest, most personal, biological expression of who they are. In order to feel seen, understood, and heard, a child must feel that their feelings are seen, understood, and heard. What happens when you feel seen, understood, and heard as a child?