"I have seen it over and over and over again in my therapy office as I work with folks who grew up in emotionally neglectful families. I see good, loving people with a lot to offer and much about them to love who are incapable of fully accepting and experiencing the love that naturally comes their way. Childhood emotional neglect is, in fact, the silent killer of love."
"Growing up with your feelings ignored requires you, as a young child, to develop some special skills. You must learn how to hide your emotions-the deepest, most personal, biological expression of who you are-from your family. Pretending you don't have feelings is like pretending you have no right arm. To make them invisible, you must make sure you do not have them. And this comes at a great cost to you."
"1. You didn't experience enough deep and personalized love as a child. All children have a basic need to feel seen, known, and loved for who they really are. In an emotionally neglectful family, living under the "Hold your feelings back" mandate, you are forced to hide this key part of yourself. How can you feel a depth of meaningful love from your family when the deepest, most meaningful part of you is never seen?"
Childhood emotional neglect impairs the ability to feel loved in adulthood by teaching children to hide and minimize their emotions. Emotionally neglected children become emotionally restrained, disconnected from themselves, and prevented from becoming who they are meant to be. Such children may appear lovable and capable, yet remain unable to fully accept or experience love offered to them. Hiding core feelings becomes a survival skill that exacts a lasting cost. Lack of deep, personalized love and not being seen or known as a child undermines expectations and capacity for meaningful love later in life.
Read at Psychology Today
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