IFS teaches that the mind isn't a single, unified voice-it's a system of parts, each with its own perspective and purpose. Some protect us from pain, others hold our fear or shame, and others try to keep us functioning in a chaotic world. I realized my perfectionism was never the enemy. It was a protector-a diligent manager that helped me survive medical training by enforcing a simple, brutal contract: be flawless, and you will be safe from blame and shame.
It's immoral, unthinkable, intolerable. I can't continue a friendship with someone like that. Sam and Chris* had weathered disagreements over the course of their decade-long friendship. But Chris's decision to not join their broader friendship group at a protest caused a rupture that, in Sam's eyes, was irreparable. Disagreements between friends are as old as friendship itself. But the frequency and ferocity of discord seem to have grown exponentially amid current geopolitical crises and the avalanche of social stressors.