"I've Never Been Chosen"

""I've never been chosen." Few phrases cut as deeply. It's the quiet confession behind countless social media posts where women call out "choose me" or "pick me." Sometimes it's packaged in humor, other times in heartbreak. Either way, the trend reveals something real: the pain of invisibility, of living life waiting for someone else's validation. A client once told me, "There's a part of me that just wants to be chosen." She didn't mean it lightly."

"The cultural script behind the "choose me" or "pick me" trope reinforces the idea that a woman's worth depends on external validation. Whether in relationships, friendships, or professional settings, the hunger to be chosen can spiral into self-sacrifice and people-pleasing, showing up as hyper-compliant behaviors like failing to assert one's own needs, molding oneself to others' preferences, or staying silent in conflict."

Pick-me culture positions female worth as contingent on external selection, driving behaviors that seek validation. Persistent longing to be chosen produces self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, hyper-compliance, suppression of needs, and silence in conflict. Early relational experiences such as inconsistent caregiver attention and emotional unavailability often generate anxious or avoidant attachment patterns that fuel chronic shame and the expectation of invisibility. Internal Family Systems frames the 'choose me' part as an exiled self craving care and wholeness. Recovery involves choosing oneself, tending to attachment wounds, and reshaping interpersonal and cultural systems to support authenticity and self-honoring.

Read at Psychology Today