#singlehood

#singlehood

I got married at an early age, but the marital bliss was short-lived as my wife died a few years later. That was 20 years ago, and I have since built a new, happy life for myself. In this new life, I have never had any desire to embark on another long-term relationship, let alone remarry. I enjoy being on my own, although I consider myself to be quite sociable. I have a group of good friends, who provide excellent company whenever I want it.

If you have spent any significant time as a single adult, you know that the world feels built for couples and that the people around us often assume we want to be partnered. Until recently, researchers have been making the same mistake about singles. In 2020, Nicole Watkins and Jonathon Beckmeyer created a tool for assessing a person's level of relationship desire and dismissal. Together, these two components explain the importance someone places on romantic relationships in their lives.

Many of the responses were surprisingly similar. The most frequently listed qualities women said they were looking for in a partner were kindness and emotional intelligence, mental and physical health, shared values, ambition and being hardworking, financial stability, masculinity and maturity, and a willingness to commit to an equal, monogamous relationship as well as, in many cases, having a family.

I am apparently too ambitious and goal-driven. Every time I got a promotion, started working on a project or a goal, or achieved something I'm happy about, ex-partners have gotten insecure and then started to humble and belittle me. I used to model, and everything was cool when they thought I'd just be pretty. But when they realize my mind is the most attractive thing about me, they're over it.