You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking

"A patient will say something like "I'm the common denominator" or ask "What am I doing wrong?" On the surface, these seem insightful, indicating a high degree of responsibility, which is what, generally, clinicians hope for; we want our patients to hold themselves accountable. Additionally, since most of us are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything."

"So, for example, a patient struggling romantically may find comfort in the interpretation that they've been pursuing emotionally unavailable partners. Or, someone struggling with maintaining friendships may feel invigorated by "discovering" that their neediness makes others feel uneasy and pressured. For the individual who tends to personalize, taking on too much responsibility for the outcomes of their life, these simple explanations become the foundation for a plan and a desire for self-improvement."

Obsessing about root causes and definitive answers often fails because life frequently offers ambiguous outcomes and incomplete information. People who personalize setbacks can take excessive responsibility and adopt overly simple explanations for complex relational problems. Therapists can unintentionally reinforce this pattern by offering interpretations that feel validating but may not be adequate or useful. Perfectionism converts corrective feedback into relentless self-optimization, producing rumination, vigilance, and paralysis. Self-awareness and self-improvement have value, but defining therapy chiefly as insight-driven correction of rigid judgments risks encouraging over-responsibility and living through thought rather than engaging fully in life.

Read at Psychology Today