"Forgiveness is a painful and difficult process. It's not something that happens overnight. It's an evolution of the heart. For years, I thought forgiveness meant being the bigger person. It meant letting things go quickly, moving on, and not holding grudges. But I didn't realize that my version of forgiveness was just another form of self-abandonment."
"When I look back at those moments where I felt betrayed, in most instances, I wasn't a victim of other people's bad behavior—I was a willing participant. For years, I stayed in one-sided relationships and situations that asked me to shrink and conform to other people's expectations. I gave everything and got crumbs."
"I was performing forgiveness while my nervous system was still screaming. And this was a pattern. I'd justify their behavior because I wanted to take the high road, but I didn't realize that my version of forgiveness was just another form of self-abandonment."
Forgiveness is often misunderstood as quickly letting go of hurt and taking the high road, but this approach can become self-abandonment. The author spent years in one-sided relationships where she shrank to meet others' expectations, accepted criticism without expressing her feelings, and walked on eggshells. She performed forgiveness after each disappointment while her nervous system remained distressed. This pattern masked her complicity in her own erosion. Genuine forgiveness requires recognizing how one participated in harmful dynamics, not just absolving others. It demands commitment, patience, and honest reflection about what forgiveness truly means versus performing it as a way to appear evolved while abandoning oneself.
Read at Tiny Buddha
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