The friend you describe is what they call a bean counter, or a scorekeeper. This is someone who places excessive emphasis on controlling things, like expenditures, budgets and, in her case, relationships.
It may be time to post a sign on your oven or stove advising visitors (beloved or not) that you do not want your appliances tampered with when you are preparing to entertain.
Whoever has been doing this is extremely presumptuous because it could potentially ruin the entire meal.
In my lifetime, I have known only one man who changed diapers, did naps and baths, took kids to daycare or school, attended most events in the child's life.
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