#validation

#validation

The oldest one is recommending the book he's just finished to me. You should read this, he says, handing me a well-thumbed paperback, which I turn over in my hands. Blue, I say. The cover's blue, yeah, he says. It's a translation, and not much happens, but it's good. OK, I say. I'm already reading a book, but I will take this on holiday with me. Now I need a new book, he says. Any ideas? This has never happened before.

Most students, when they're struggling mid-semester, are feeling overwhelmed but don't actually need advice or solutions. This goes against our instinct as parents-we want to solve the problem and eradicate their pain. Don't do it. They already know what to do; they're just struggling to do it. This is where hard, messy lessons occur. Instead, validate how they're feeling. Don't agree with them; just acknowledge how hard this time is for them. Listen with the intent of understanding rather than solving.

When I ask clients to imagine what they would say to a close friend in the same situation, their entire tone shifts. They speak with calm, empathy, and reassurance—the very things they struggle to extend to themselves.

"When I first shared my vision for bringing anthropological research into corporate decision-making, Jay could have nodded politely and moved on with his day."