My mother was gorgeous and was often complimented on her stunning beauty. She parlayed this beauty into worth, marrying my Dad at 18 and emphasizing her looks with fashion and makeup. It wasn’t vanity, it was power. My mother’s beauty set a standard, even for her children, and she expressed concern that I wasn’t taking care of my appearance as she deemed essential during the late '60s and '70s.
Though I knew Mom was stunning, I did not realize until my teens that beauty was also a form of currency. I was often overlooked when it came to beauty, especially compared to my brothers who inherited my parents' looks. My mother’s acknowledgment of my beauty came out of the blue, yet immediately followed with a suggestion for a nose job—demonstrating the superficial values she subconsciously held.
My oldest brother looked up to my mother, thinking she was prettier than all the other moms when he was just in preschool. This early reinforcement of beauty as an important quality shaped our family dynamic significantly. When my mother perceived beauty in me, it opened up conversations about appearance-related expectations, revealing the significant pressure she felt and passed down.
Despite my inner turmoil about our family’s obsession with appearance, I realized that beauty played a key role in my mother’s identity and how she saw herself in the world. It ultimately affected how she related to me and how she viewed my worth, suggesting a broader societal problem where a woman’s value is often tied to her physical attributes.
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