"First, the 3-Question Rule: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said by me, now? Nine times out of ten, these questions are enough to shut me up. Even if I decide that something needs to be voiced, by me, if I'm in an emotional state, I often determine that it'd be better for me to wait and say it later, once I'd calmed down."
"How you say it. As in, it's not just what you say, but how you say it. I knew I wanted to speak up, but I also wanted to be careful not to sound like a self-centered jerk. Which led me to the next tool: Try to understand. Basically, this framework helps me to slow down and practice empathy, to try and see things from the other person's perspective."
"'Oh wow,' I said softly. 'I guess Stephen can't drive anymore.' Stephen was a family friend, and he'd been struggling with knee problems for the past few years. I guess that's what spending much of your life as a truck driver will do to you. 'Yeah,' my wife replied. 'Dad says he can barely walk. That's what the appointment's about-they're looking at a knee replacement.' Suddenly, my perspective changed."
On a Monday, the narrator feels frustrated when the father-in-law, who usually watches the youngest daughter, is unavailable because he is taking Stephen to a doctor appointment. The narrator uses a 3-Question Rule—Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said by me, now?—to decide whether to speak. When deciding to voice concerns, the narrator focuses on how to say it and applies empathy through a 'Try to understand' framework, imagining Stephen's knee problems and the possibility of a knee replacement, which shifts perspective from frustration to understanding.
Read at Inc
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]